Charlie went into the office same as he did on every other day before today. He woke up, did his biologics, brushed his teeth, showered, got dressed, packed his bag and left his flat. On the subway he was listening to some music, all the while he was reading around his phone about what had happened in the world during the few hours he was asleep. Alas, nothing extraordinary ever happened during that time. He usually arrives about five minutes to spare before core hours. So even before disrobing his jacket or offloading his bag, Charlie goes to the kitchen for coffee. He doesn’t usually drinks coffee, but there is a decent coffee machine in the office, with decent coffee in it, with milk, and most importantly, it is free. So why not make like the adults, and have a free dose of caffeine? He takes out two glasses. Never a mug. In one glass, he puts 3 teaspoons worth of sugar, and then puts it on the designated spot and selects cafe macchiato. The second glass has dual purpose. First, it’s a holder for the glass with the fresh coffee. Why bother with a hot glass if you don’t have to? Second, and that’s later in the day, Charlie needs something to drink water out of, so having an extra glass that is clean is handy. He walks from the kitchen over to his desk with his thermal solution in hand, greets everybody with “Gooooood morning Vietnam!”.

Most people in the office have no idea of the reference, they just like it because it seems to be a somewhat upbeat greeting. The older folk kinda remember that there was a movie with the same title, they know that it is in reference of the Vietnam war, and Charlie is a movie buff, so for him to use a movie quote checks out. In reality, Charlie is using it because in his mind, the office is a battlefield, where all the privates and some low level officers are struggling to stay alive while carrying out orders, all the while the top brass is far, far behind, with no regard of the consequences of their ask on the soldiers. Charlie really looks at office life as it were trench warfare from world war one, but they never made an upbeat, quotable movie about that one. So Vietnam it is. 

He sips on his coffee while skimming through all the incoming emails. Most of them are trash, automated, no longer necessary reports that can be marked as read in bulk, together with some other memos that doesn’t really concern him, he is just in the distribution list. But today, there is an unusual item on the agenda. Well, not really unusual, just not that frequent. Which is good, because it has the unfortunate property of being able to annoy Charlie to no end. Performance review and feedback session. A process that Charlie founds to be utterly cringy, useless and just outright hypocritical. Spending time and using big words to paint ones station into way more than it is. Like running a personal election campaign. Charlie found the whole thing distasteful, but just like the tuna fish oil in his childhood, he had to go along and swallow this as well. One more thing that most of his fellow colleagues had no clue about, daily tuna fish oil as supplement. They have pills for that nowadays.

After lunch, Charlie goes into a conference room with his manager. A new manager this year, the one before has left the company as it was becoming boring to them. Boring is one thing that Charlie never complained about. The new guy is not that bad either, but he actually likes this process. He is a people person. Well, everybody has to have at least one flaw. They are going through the motions, in agreement mostly about the items. Then the manager brings up the feedbacks he requested about Charlie from other people. It has been a minute since Charlie received opinions from others about himself, and the large number of responses somewhat stirred his curiosity. Never did he receive so many opinions, and not from these people. Strangely, they seem to be on the positive side. 

“…Charlie is not afraid to challenge… Charlie is never anxious about unexpected issues… Charlie always finds a solution to deal with complex issues…”

The praises just keep coming and Charlie is bothered by it. In his head, he knows that the reality is different. Charlie challenges because he doesn’t want to do that shit. Charlie is never anxious because he just doesn’t care. Charlie finds solutions because he just wants to get rid of that task as soon as possible. Sure, experience and some brain power is there, but all Charlie ever wants to do is to go home and lock the door behind him. The office can burn down as long as the paycheck still comes. He was surprised that his immense laziness was inspirational to others. Well, if you misread laziness as being collected and efficient that is.

But, who cares really? The boss is happy, the paperform looks good, and this annoying task is ticked off for another year.

Charlie goes for another coffee after the meeting and purposefully dodges doing anything productive until 5PM. At five minutes past five, he packs ups, shakes some hands and walks out. About an hour later he arrives home, locks the door behind him, disrobes fully, pours a shot of liqueur to himself and proceeds of being a couch potato for the rest of the day.

The next day, he wakes up, and starts the day from square one, as if yesterday never ever happened. One more day, waiting in the trench, in the mud, hoping not be ordered to go into no-man’s-land. One more day to survive.