Gordon walked in the room casually. He knew that he was late, but then again, he didn’t really cared. He was Baxters right hand man, and Baxter was running the place. This made him a big deal. Also, nothing new was supposed to happen today. Just another day to kill. He was wearing yesterdays clothes, last weeks beard and last nights breath. His head was just one size smaller than it should have been. At least, that’s the way he was feeling. “Man, I should have not drunk the entire bottle…” he said to himself. He managed to get hold of a bottle of Solomons stuff. Nobody knew from where the man was getting his merchandise, but there was not much else to chose from. And last night Gordon was in the mood to kill some brain cells. So he went out to his favorite spot, sat down and started drinking. Now, he was paying the tax for it. But, it was nothing new to him. Certainly wasn’t his first time being hung over at work. As he walks by the desks, some people look up by the corner of their eyes, but they all know the drill, they do not say a word. Not that they would care to. Gordon opens the door to his small office, sits down behind the desk, puts his feet up the desk with his left over the right and tries to not to feel his head.

“Man, you look like shit.” Baxter is standing in the doorway. “I’m surprised that you are even vertical this early. Was it worth it?”

“mmm…. best entertainment in town…”

“Solomons stuff?”

“Yeah… about a bottles worth….”

“ What, are you trying to off yourself? What’s in that stuff anyway?”

“Fuck if I know, but it knocks you out like a fucking train. Why, you worried?”

“Neah…. But if you do decide to leave this merry place, do me a favor and give me a heads up, will ya?”

“Deal…. So, is there something on today’s agenda or can I hit snooze for the day?”

“Donno, you tell me. A ship should come in this morning, the Bad Seed.”

“Ah yeah. Is that today? Forgot about that. The Bad Seed… now that’s name you look forward to. Hey, Toby!”

“….downstairs” answers somebody.

“Of course he is” mumbles Gordon as he picks up the phone and dials in a number. “Yeah, give me the turtle… Toby? There is a boat on today schedule, the Bad… ship, boat, like I care whats the difference… just get your ass up here and give us the rundown of it, OK?. And Toby? Make it sharpish.”

Ten minutes later Toby walks in the room reluctantly. He really does not wants to be there, but that is all right, the other two men don’t want him there either. So this will be fast.

“So? The Bad Seed?” asks Gordon somewhat impatiently.

“The Bad Seed. Ship. Brings regular supplies. Food, medical supplies, some spare parts, couple of guys for grunt work.”

“So nothing unusual” concludes Baxter.

“No, nothing unusual. Except for the other guy”

“What other guy?” asks Gordon, while he sits up straight.

“Some guy named Gruber. His name was not on the supply list but on additional note later on.”

“An additional note for somebody they sending over. Hm… That’s actually is somewhat unusual, wouldn’t you say Toby? Let me see that note.”

Toby hands over the paper to Gordon. As he starts reading it, Gordon seems to have difficulty comprehending some part of the text at first, but as he reads it again and again he just gets madder and madder.

“Toby, why haven’t you said anything about this before, huh?”

“You haven’t asked.”

Gordon is ready to jump over the table straight to the boys neck, his face is displaying multiple shades of red and purple. Baxter finds this scene both funny as hell and worrisome. But for the time being, it is the best show in town, so he just takes a step back and enjoys spectacle.

“You idiot! I swear to fucking God, I could kill you right now! I couldn’t care less that a frigging boat, or SHIP, comes with supplies. I don’t have to ask you about that. But when you get a paper like this, you don’t just sit on it! I can’t ask you about them because I don’t know that they will come, now do I? You come to me and tell me about them! Do you understand me you fucking moron?”

Toby nodded his head.

“Now get the fuck out oh here! And how many times do I have to tell you not to wear that fucking pod everywhere on your back. Put it the fuck down. Makes you look like an idiot. Not that your not.”

Gordon could have yelled a good ten minutes more if his head wouldn’t have hurt already like hell without this. Toby dragged his feet out of his office and disappeared somewhere. Gordon sat back behind his desk and started searching around in a drawer until he found a bottle of pills. He popped the bottle open and swallowed quickly two of them pills. Baxter was still watching, but his curiosity started to get the best of him.

“You know, you really should talk to some of the grunts. They could teach that snot a lesson or two.”

“Neah, already tried that. For some reason, they don’t want to touch him. Like he has the plague or something.”

“Don’t tell me now that somebody has this pussy’s back. He sure in hell can’t defend himself.”

“I don’t know and I don’t want to take the effort to find out. Eventually, I am going to beat the living shit out the turtle myself. Don’t care if somebody has his back or not. His ass is grass and I’m the lawn mower. “

“Good man.” said Baxter amused. “Now tell me, what gives?”

“You are not going to believe it. This Gruber character is to be our new warehouse manager. He is going to be in charge of our entire inventory. Everything that is on storage will go trough his hands.”

“You are absolutely right Gordon. I don’t believe you.”

“Well, here. Read it yourself.”

Baxter took the paper. But there it was, black on white. The new guy was there to stay and he was management material.

“What do you make of this?” asked Gordon.

“Must be some hothead that screwed himself royally. Like challenging some heavy name on the open. Otherwise it just doesn’t make sense to create a high level job here that isn’t even needed. Did we ever had a warehouse manager?”

“No, never. No need for one. If you put something there, you are in charge of it. Worked just fine until now. You know what this means, don’t you? Headaches.”

“Might be. A lot of people will be angry over this. We just might have to earn our keep for a change. Go out, meet this Gruber fellow. Size him up. Oh, and do me a favor. If you happen to run into Solomon, tell him that I would like a couple of pairs of his sausages.

The ship was moving but you could not tell this. The fog was that dense. Grey everywhere you looked. It was like being stuck in time. Gruber was on the deck for only an hour, but it felt like a week. Some other folk walk around occasionally, but everybody kept it quiet, for their selves. Gruber was bored out of his mind. He was used to crowds, noise, lights, big city life. This…. this was a graveyard. The people ghosts. He pulled out a cigarette out of his pocket, put it in his mouth and lit up a match. Smocking always calmed him and right now, it also gave him something to do. But he was down to his last two packs. And there will be no more cigarettes where he is going. Fucking hell… where is he going anyway? They never told him, not really. Just that he is being reassigned.

“Pack your things son, you just got promoted!” the division chief told him, “You leave tomorrow morning. But don’t take too much with you, just about a backpack worth, everything else that you might need will already be there. Go on, make us proud! You lucky bastard, you…” The grin must have been ear to ear on his face. Gruber would have bet good money that his former colleagues even threw a party because he left that place. Those bastards. But than again, he knew that his promotion was not really a promotion. It was a death sentence. There were various degrees of punishment in the company for doing wrong. You had your slap on the wrist, you average screw with your pants on, you could have been demoted and you could have been fired. Some even got killed. But all of these options were favorable in comparison of this promotion. But sleeping with the bosses daughter? Now that had to be exemplary. And there you go, being the new warehouse manager of the righteous fart. What does that even mean? The righteous fart? Sounds like something that a twelve year old would laugh to… damn….

“So, ready for the righteous fart?” asked Dino. Dino was the ships clerk, but you could have not guessed it by the looks of him. His hair was in dreads, round sunglasses on his eyes and his clothes looked like they were on him for the last 5 months. Probably they were too.

“Huh?” asked Gruber somewhat rattled “Jesus, man! Where did you come from? I almost lost last night dinner in my shorts!”

“Chill dude… I just climbed onboard. I was down below, counting the inventory, making sure that everything is set for our little stay at this months lovely pit stop.”

“You climbed up… from where?”

“Uhm…see that rope over there? Like to you left..” Gruber face was of complete disbelief. “Man, you need to relax… too much tension will kill ya… you know what you need? Some of this stuff right here” points to the joint in his mouth, inhales strongly and releases a smoke as grey as the fog around them. “man, I am telling ya, this stuff is better than any blowjob a woman can give you. Cheaper too…”

“Let me get this straight. You climb all over the place without any safety measure, you are in charge of who knows how valuable cargo and you are stoned all the time. How are you not fired?”

“Pff…man, like they care. I mean they care, but only about the bottom line. As long as the deed is done and the money is there, I could dress up only in a sock. And I really would like who else would come to replace me… yeah that would be the day…” and Dino blew out the smoke from his lungs in the shape of circles.

“I see….” said Gruber. “Hey, tell me, what is this place exactly?”

“Your shitting me, right?” it was Dinos turn for disbelief “You come this purgatory but you don’t know what it is? What, you lost a bet or something?”

“Worse, I’ve got promoted.”

“Man, you are fucked.”

“OK, I AM! Now will you tell me at last what this place is?”

“Geez man, don’t have to bite my head off. Kinda see why you have been promoted.” Grubers eyes started to stab Dino “Ok, ok. So, basically, you remember those pictures of oil rigs, from before everything went down the toilet? Well, this place is something like that. The company had a couple of those one next to the other around here. One day, in they infinite wisdom, the people upstairs decide to tie them rigs together, making one big one to bring something else up from the ground. Not oil, something much trickier.”

“Like what?” asks Gruber “fuck if I know. Something expensive. I like to keep things simple, you know. The stuff is rare, expensive, hard to get to. That’s enough information for me.”

“Aha… And what’s with the name? Righteous fart, what’s up with that?”

“Yo, what time it is?” asks Dino “Are going to leave hanging like that?” asks Gruber back. “Listen man, if you want to know what you want to know you will tell me what time it is.”

“Whatever…. it’s nine, happy now?” but Dino was not “Like, nine sharp?”

“Yeah, nine sharp. Sharp as a coffin nail.” Dino shook his head with a serious frown on his forehead and reached for another joint. As he lit it up a huge flame torn the sky in two, much to Gruebers surprise.

“There’s your righteous fart, son. Every hour a machine releases a flame. Something to do with pressure regulating. But it looks like a powerful fart. Smells like on too. So the name stuck.”

Dino started walk away, but after a couple of steps he turned around. “You know, your kinda an asshole, man.”

“Yeah, well we’ll see about that when I will be running this place!” shouted Gruber back.

“Good one, man, good one. You know, I’ve been coming to this place for years now, always bringing fresh meat for labor, but not once have I seen somebody coming onboard for the trip home.” Dino started to walk away again and with his back facing Gruber concluded “you might be a cocky son of a bitch son, but no match to the sewer rats that run this place…”

“yeah, well we will see about that…” muttered Gruber to himself…

“Hey, Jessup! Come down here you worthles piece of garbage!” shouted the man from the doorway as he entered the establishment. The room he entered was covered in darkness. As he walked across the place he could still sense the night before. The people who were there, where they stood, who they stood with. Spend enough time in a place and you don’t need to ask questions anymore. Your senses will tell you everything you want to know. He kept walking until he reached the windows. There, he pushed a button and the shutters started to roll up revealing one mesmerizing view. You could see the heart of the machine that kept everything alive, such as. All the cogs and wheels turning. All the grease and the dirt. All the flames and all the darkness. Everything in one glorious, infernal, view. He pulled up a chair, sat down next to the windows ledge. Afterwards, he took down his bowler hat, placed it on the ledge, stroke down his beard and has rolled up the sleeves of his shirt. He took out his pocket watch and looked at it. It was an image that pleased him. The small, clean, see trough, elegant machine in his hand while in the background there was one big, dirty, beast of a machine. The contrasts between the two were powerfull. The image pleased him. The time that watch told him however, did not.

“It is 7:20 Jessup. Now, tell me again, at what time were you suposed to be here?”

“Come on, Solomon, nobody is here at six in the morning…”

“Come closer, I couldnt hear you…” said the man as he stood up. He was of average height, somewhat wider than most, but next to Jessup, he was a giant. Even if Jessup had a couple of inches on Solomon, Solomon comanded obedience with a single glance. And if that were not enough, he was always ready to back up the glance with a couple of powerfull punches. Sometimes out of necessity, mosty for pleasure.

“Yes, you are right Jessup. Nobody is here at six in the morning. Thats because you are nobody. And you are here at six because I have told you to be here at six. Or you wish to take some medical leave?”

“N-no Solomon… I will be here at six”

“Good. Now go on. Bring me a cup of coffee. And clean this place up. They really did a number last night.”

“Yes, Solomon, right away…”

“And bring the latest reports. We did get the latest, right? Want to know what comes over here in the coming days.”

The hole in the wall

First shot: the room. Small, bombed out, windowless room. Music in the background from the PC speakers. One can se one wormed out couch, one messed up coffee table, some other platform in the corner with some sort of PC on it. Somebody is laying on the couch.

Seconds shot: The coffee table. Ashtray filled with cigarette buds, some empty beer cans, other generic trash laying around. The somebody’s leg on the couch in the background.

Third shot: The PC. Old, dirty piece of junk. CRT display. The keyboard is more an ashtray than a keyboard. Some booze around, only the cheapest, and some plastic cups.

Fourth shot: Guy laying on the couch (showed in profile), careless, absorbed by the music.

a shout from a distance

Jules

ANDYYYYYYYY!!!!

Andy (the guy on the couch) looks around surprised.

ANDY

what the fuck…

again, from a distance

Jules

ANDYYYYYYYY!!!!

ANDY

YEAH! What?!

JULES

Can you come here my friend? I need your help…

Andy reluctantly gets off the couch

ANDY

… fuck me…..

New shot: narrow corridor, small door at the end. Jules is on the other side of the door. Andy is standing by, annoyed.

ANDY

Yeah, I’m here… What do you want?

JULES

Great, my friend! Say, do you have any paper?

ANDY

Paper?

JULES

Yeah, like toilet paper, or… or paper towels… Maybe kleenex. Yeah, kleenex

will do. Do you have some my friend?

(in the mental box – ANDY: this “my friend” verbal tic of Jules is really annoying. Everybody hates it. But he thinks its cool for some reason. Than again, he never was the smartest guy around. Or any kind of smart, for that matter…)

ANDY

NO, I do not have an paper. What is this anyways?

I thought you’ve been gone for hours…

JULES

Yeah, well, I needed to take a dump, and I there’s

no toilet paper in here and I didn’t see that…

ANDY

Idiot. And what, you have been sitting inside there for hours?

JULES

I fell asleep…

ANDY

(baffled)

You ARE an idiot!

JULES

Ah, man! Come on! Help me out! My friend?

ANDY

Sorry, pal. Can’t help ya out.

(looks at his watch)

Anyways, I’ve got to split. Smell ya later.

JULES

(desperate)

My friend! Come on! Don’t be lame! You can’t just leave me in shit!

What am I supposed to do now?

ANDY

(easily amused)

You can take a nap!

END SCENE

SCENE

Shot: Andy standing in the tram station, waiting for the next tram. He checks his watch, while nodding his head to the beats of the music blasting from his ear buds. A girl walks up to him.

KRISTA

Yo Andy!

(no reaction)

KRISTA

Earth to Andy! Hello! Batman at eleven a clock!

ANDY

Huh? Oh, sorry Krista, didn’t noticed you there.

KRISTA

You don’t say…

ANDY

So, what’s new?

KRISTA

Mercury is in retrograde.

ANDY

Come again?

KRISTA

Its something that one of my room mates said from the dorm.

Imagine, they have synced they’re periods, so now,

once a month, the three besties are one beastly pain in the ass.

Guess in which week are we right now?

ANDY

Wow. Synchronized periods? How do you even do that?

KRISTA

I don’t know. I did asked one of them. She said,

“Mercury is in retrograde” and then winked. So, there you go.

ANDY

Well, isn’t she all mysterious…

KRISTA

Yeah… Say, this reminds me. Is the hole in the

wall free these days? I really don’t want to be in

my dorm room while Mercury is in whatever.

ANDY

(smirking)

Huh, retrograde? I guess its free. Not like we

do reservations over there. But better buy a

couple rolls of toilet paper for Jules

on your way if you want to crash there.

KRISTA

How so? What did he do this time?

ANDY

He took a dump in the toilet without checking if

there is toilet paper, which of course there wasn’t,

and he choose to solve this problem by sleeping it off.

KRISTA

(baffled)

Your kidding, right?

ANDY

Nope. Scouts honor. But why do you ask “what

did he do THIS time”? Was there another time?

KRISTA

Oh, yeah…

ANDY

Hmmm, do tell!

KRISTA

Couple of weeks ago, there was this lecture. For some

reason Jules has picked up this philosophy course.

He is failing but he can’t drop it either. Anyways,

during this lecture, the professor went on and on

about how misleading religion really is. And of

course, he had to brought up Nietzsche

and his famous quote of “God is dead”.

ANDY

Ok…

KRISTA

Well, one kid in the audience, some born again

Christian, did not take it so well, because right

after the quote he said out loud to the professor

the God had disproved that argument, seventeen

years later by saying “Nietzsche is dead”.

ANDY

Well, who would have thought… A cheeky born again Christian.

KRISTA

I know, right? Well, the two started to really hit of,

and about a half an hour in the debate, Jules

intervenes with an argument meant to help

out the professor by discrediting the kid.

ANDY

Jules intervened in a philosophical debate?

Whit an argument? This must be good.

KRISTA

He said that the kids arguments are invalid since he

isn’t really a follower of God. How can he be a follower

of God if, and I quote, “he doesn’t have a twitter account?”.

Moment of silence, cricket sounds in the background

ANDY

And they say that population control is an abomination…

KRISTA

yeah…

ANDY

I am curious though…. Who has won

the debate? The kid or the professor?

KRISTA

The kid, eventually.

ANDY

Yeah? How so?

KRISTA

He brought his older sister to the next lecture.

Tall, blonde, great wrack, matching behind, all

packed in a summer dress. Now, the professor is singing

in church every Sunday, right next to the blonde bomb shell.

ANDY

Huh…What a hypocrite. Big time university professor loses

his conviction at the slightest chance of tail. Makes you wonder

about all that money spent on your education. Still, that kid

is going places.

KRISTA

I wouldn’t be so sure.

ANDY

Why do you say that?

KRISTA

He only has ONE sister.

END SCENE

It was raining. The fact that it was dawn too was not helping. Toby just looked at his watch, growled something silently, then rolled over. Now, facing the wall, all curled up like a fetus, he was lying still, with the eyes closed, listening. For 5 more minutes he cancelled out the world in his mind. There was nothing else there but rain. Finally, he opened up his pod. He stood up. The desire to stretch out was suddenly overcome by the cold that was outside. It was a hard thing living outside on the streets. His sleeping pod kept him safe from cold or rain, but only while he was inside of it. Once stepped out, it was a different story. Toby popped open a canned shower, spread whatever was left inside of that recipient on his body and quickly dressed back up. The empty can have rolled in a corner, forgotten in an instant. Toby then proceeded to wrap up his pod in a neat package, which fitted easily on his

back. It looked like a turtle’s shell. Because of this, many people called Toby ‘turtle Toby’ or more simply, the turtle. But Toby did not mind this at all. That pod was his most prized possession. And his only one as well. Inside of it was the only place where he felt safe. All he needed was to find small place that is out of sight. Somewhere, like behind a large container or under an overpass. He would set up his pod, snuck in, and everything was all right. Like a caterpillar in a cocoon. Except, there was never a butterfly emerging from this cocoon. It was always just the caterpillar. And like so many mornings before, the turtle put on his shell and started walking the long, narrow corridor that led towards a bleak day. Because such was the life in the place called The righteous fart.