Older Works – Urban Fables

The hole in the wall

First shot: the room. Small, bombed out, windowless room. Music in the background from the PC speakers. One can se one wormed out couch, one messed up coffee table, some other platform in the corner with some sort of PC on it. Somebody is laying on the couch.

Seconds shot: The coffee table. Ashtray filled with cigarette buds, some empty beer cans, other generic trash laying around. The somebody’s leg on the couch in the background.

Third shot: The PC. Old, dirty piece of junk. CRT display. The keyboard is more an ashtray than a keyboard. Some booze around, only the cheapest, and some plastic cups.

Fourth shot: Guy laying on the couch (showed in profile), careless, absorbed by the music.

a shout from a distance

Jules

ANDYYYYYYYY!!!!

Andy (the guy on the couch) looks around surprised.

ANDY

what the fuck…

again, from a distance

Jules

ANDYYYYYYYY!!!!

ANDY

YEAH! What?!

JULES

Can you come here my friend? I need your help…

Andy reluctantly gets off the couch

ANDY

… fuck me…..

New shot: narrow corridor, small door at the end. Jules is on the other side of the door. Andy is standing by, annoyed.

ANDY

Yeah, I’m here… What do you want?

JULES

Great, my friend! Say, do you have any paper?

ANDY

Paper?

JULES

Yeah, like toilet paper, or… or paper towels… Maybe kleenex. Yeah, kleenex

will do. Do you have some my friend?

(in the mental box – ANDY: this “my friend” verbal tic of Jules is really annoying. Everybody hates it. But he thinks its cool for some reason. Than again, he never was the smartest guy around. Or any kind of smart, for that matter…)

ANDY

NO, I do not have an paper. What is this anyways?

I thought you’ve been gone for hours…

JULES

Yeah, well, I needed to take a dump, and I there’s

no toilet paper in here and I didn’t see that…

ANDY

Idiot. And what, you have been sitting inside there for hours?

JULES

I fell asleep…

ANDY

(baffled)

You ARE an idiot!

JULES

Ah, man! Come on! Help me out! My friend?

ANDY

Sorry, pal. Can’t help ya out.

(looks at his watch)

Anyways, I’ve got to split. Smell ya later.

JULES

(desperate)

My friend! Come on! Don’t be lame! You can’t just leave me in shit!

What am I supposed to do now?

ANDY

(easily amused)

You can take a nap!

END SCENE

SCENE

Shot: Andy standing in the tram station, waiting for the next tram. He checks his watch, while nodding his head to the beats of the music blasting from his ear buds. A girl walks up to him.

KRISTA

Yo Andy!

(no reaction)

KRISTA

Earth to Andy! Hello! Batman at eleven a clock!

ANDY

Huh? Oh, sorry Krista, didn’t noticed you there.

KRISTA

You don’t say…

ANDY

So, what’s new?

KRISTA

Mercury is in retrograde.

ANDY

Come again?

KRISTA

Its something that one of my room mates said from the dorm.

Imagine, they have synced they’re periods, so now,

once a month, the three besties are one beastly pain in the ass.

Guess in which week are we right now?

ANDY

Wow. Synchronized periods? How do you even do that?

KRISTA

I don’t know. I did asked one of them. She said,

“Mercury is in retrograde” and then winked. So, there you go.

ANDY

Well, isn’t she all mysterious…

KRISTA

Yeah… Say, this reminds me. Is the hole in the

wall free these days? I really don’t want to be in

my dorm room while Mercury is in whatever.

ANDY

(smirking)

Huh, retrograde? I guess its free. Not like we

do reservations over there. But better buy a

couple rolls of toilet paper for Jules

on your way if you want to crash there.

KRISTA

How so? What did he do this time?

ANDY

He took a dump in the toilet without checking if

there is toilet paper, which of course there wasn’t,

and he choose to solve this problem by sleeping it off.

KRISTA

(baffled)

Your kidding, right?

ANDY

Nope. Scouts honor. But why do you ask “what

did he do THIS time”? Was there another time?

KRISTA

Oh, yeah…

ANDY

Hmmm, do tell!

KRISTA

Couple of weeks ago, there was this lecture. For some

reason Jules has picked up this philosophy course.

He is failing but he can’t drop it either. Anyways,

during this lecture, the professor went on and on

about how misleading religion really is. And of

course, he had to brought up Nietzsche

and his famous quote of “God is dead”.

ANDY

Ok…

KRISTA

Well, one kid in the audience, some born again

Christian, did not take it so well, because right

after the quote he said out loud to the professor

the God had disproved that argument, seventeen

years later by saying “Nietzsche is dead”.

ANDY

Well, who would have thought… A cheeky born again Christian.

KRISTA

I know, right? Well, the two started to really hit of,

and about a half an hour in the debate, Jules

intervenes with an argument meant to help

out the professor by discrediting the kid.

ANDY

Jules intervened in a philosophical debate?

Whit an argument? This must be good.

KRISTA

He said that the kids arguments are invalid since he

isn’t really a follower of God. How can he be a follower

of God if, and I quote, “he doesn’t have a twitter account?”.

Moment of silence, cricket sounds in the background

ANDY

And they say that population control is an abomination…

KRISTA

yeah…

ANDY

I am curious though…. Who has won

the debate? The kid or the professor?

KRISTA

The kid, eventually.

ANDY

Yeah? How so?

KRISTA

He brought his older sister to the next lecture.

Tall, blonde, great wrack, matching behind, all

packed in a summer dress. Now, the professor is singing

in church every Sunday, right next to the blonde bomb shell.

ANDY

Huh…What a hypocrite. Big time university professor loses

his conviction at the slightest chance of tail. Makes you wonder

about all that money spent on your education. Still, that kid

is going places.

KRISTA

I wouldn’t be so sure.

ANDY

Why do you say that?

KRISTA

He only has ONE sister.

END SCENE

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s